Dating small talk tips
These two approaches worked very well together ensuring that (at least on first dates) there were never any awkward pauses.The topics you choose should not solely be there to fill in empty space.You might think that small talk is superficial and meaningless, but don’t be too harsh in your judgement: it can play in important role in human relations on a daily basis, and it’s a great way of getting to know people the first time you met them - unless you think that Freud’s Interpretation of Dreams is a better subject for a first discussion than what was on TV on Saturday night.It sometimes pays to take the easy option, and, if everything works out, you’ll have plenty of time later for deep and meaningful discussion.He then forced these strangers to ask only certain, provocative questions instead. ” Ariely goes on to suggest that based on his findings, it’s a good idea to ask provocative questions like “How many romantic partners have you had? If you want to come off as obnoxious, nosey and lacking in social skills, you should take his advice.Predictably, the conversation became more interesting when participants asked “Have you ever broken someone’s heart? Asking provocative questions for the sake of being provocative shows that you don’t trust that you (or your date) are interesting.For all my shyness, I never found it very difficult to have conversations on a first date.It isn’t that I gained confidence, I just planned ahead.
At the same time, you can’t put your date “on trial” so you need to mix your conversations up between discovery, simple light-hearted small-talk, and sharing about yourself. However, any good date won’t require as much thinking as this information suggests.The best communication occurs with an even and equal exchange between two people. Getting to know someone new is like peeling an onion one thin layer at the time. But some people, overeager to get into deep and meaningful conversation, go too far too fast. Think of conversation as a tennis match in which the players lob the ball back and forth. They ask personal or sensitive questions that put the other person on the defensive. If feeling inhibited is a problem for some people, others go to the opposite extreme: they use a date as an opportunity to purge and vent. Should the relationship evolve, there will be plenty of time to get into weighty topics. When a person reveals too much too soon, it can give a false sense of intimacy. In reality, premature or exaggerated revelations are due more to boundary issues, unresolved pain, or self-centeredness than true intimacy. Maybe your first date questions will lead you to discover that this person is your soul mate—or maybe not.
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This article discusses my general approach for first date conversations with online dating.